OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize