he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
