My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize