we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
