There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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