I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
