I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
