some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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