I wish I could teleport
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
