We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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