Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
