wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Randomize
