I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
organizing the empties. That sober.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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