I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
