By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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