we're blogging at a bar
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
