My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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