I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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