Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
