I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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