If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
