On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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