I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
