I just pynch a tree in the face
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Randomize
