im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The struggles of a small town man whore
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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