Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
