i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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