Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
