Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
