Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
