There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
