ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize