it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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