Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
