Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
