Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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