I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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