Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
