Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
