Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
