Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
splinters make it hard to masturbate
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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