A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
