you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
why do cheetos always look like penises
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
