We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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