I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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