Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
