Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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