So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
