He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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