Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
