he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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