After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize