I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
