You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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