I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
