just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Sober January is a disaster.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
