I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
