Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
