Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize