And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize