her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize