he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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