I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize