You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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