Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
