Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
