One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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