I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
