Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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