first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
